Conference-Approved Book Written by Women? Not yet. But, our WomenÕs Step Topics Group prepared a new Big Book for women. We found that certain common A.A. suggestions for men are misleading for women. This includes discussions of self-forgetting, morality, perfection, and more.
For many men, self-forgetting is helpful. But women are often caretakers of others and neglect self-care, putting ourselves last. I recall one woman shared this: ÒI was worried about my (1) sonÕs schoolwork, (2) husbandÕs job, and (3) fatherÕs health. But I have to get less selfish about my problems and get into service for others.Ó
I silently noted that she just mentioned three people that were not her. Many women donÕt recognize themselves, go overboard with service to others, and put themselves last. Self-forgetting is a character defect women must overcome by giving up selfishness or self-will and practicing self-care and self-discovery.
We eliminated the word ÒmoralÓ since there is a double standard for men and women. A man may be a called stud, but a women with that behavior is called a very derogatory name.
Although claiming progress not perfection, the big book often tells us to strive for perfection. Women tend to be perfectionist and self-critical. ÒStriving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.Ó For ÒperfectionÓ, we substituted the word ÒexcellenceÓ.
Among the WomenÕs Step Topics we discuss are:
¥ Perfectionism
¥ Mother Guilt
¥ Surrender not submission
¥ Victims of abuse
¥ Self-critical tendencies
¥ False urges to apologize
¥ What we own and what we don't
¥ Personalizing our prayers