None of you particularly enjoy feeling intellectually inferior to a bunch of ugly guys who died centuries ago. The sad truth is, though, that these philosophers really were smarter than you can ever hope to be. So the question, then, is: how do you console yourself now that you are aware of your own utter incompetence? Simple! Enhance your self-confidence by laughing unmercifully at some men who can't possibly defend themselves. We have conveniently given each philosopher an attractiveness rating on a scale of 1 to 10 and provided rational justification for each choice in a concise commentary.